Kelly Steals Brenda’s One True Love, That Bitch
So Brenda and Dylan were SO PERFECT TOGETHER and they were totally in love and not at all stupid teenagers by any stretch of the imagination. And they were doing stuff like running to Mexico for a vacation without telling the Walshes and then Brenda thought she might be pregnant and Jim found the pregnancy test and was all “my little girl is all growed up I can’t handle it” and then they started being all mean to Dylan just because his dad was a multiple felon and he had a drinking problem or something (the kind of guy that seemed way appealling back then, all troubled and stuff, but who now i wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole). So Jim couldn’t handle it anymore and told Brenda to stop seeing him and she said she would but then who did they see together at the Beverly Hills Beach Club? That’s right – Brenda and Dylan together and KISSING. That lying bitch. So Jim and Cindy decided there was nothing left to do but to send Brenda off to Paris for the summer so she couldn’t be with Dylan at all. And Kelly was supposed to go too but at the last minute decided to stay home because Jackie had just had Erin and Kelly wanted to help with the baby (perhaps to make sure she didn’t mutate into a brunette psycho-blogger as a teenager?)
So Kelly and Dylan are both stuck in town for the summer and start hanging out all the time and Kelly’s wispy blonde hair and baby voice prove irresistible and suddenly SHE AND DYLAN ARE KISSING IN THE POOL OF THE BEL AGE HOTEL 
while she’s wearing this one-piece black swimsuit with white blanket stitching on the straps (I did not even have to look that up I totally remember it). OHMIGOD what about Brenda?!? How could they do this to her? This, to me, was as serious a betrayal as I’d even encountered and made me pissy at Kelly for years, especially when she later chose her instead of Dylan. At any rate, Brenda was mostly ok because she had hooked up with Dean Cain of all people while she was in Paris so everyone all broke up but it provided drama for like the next three seasons.
So Dylan runs outside and drops to his knees on the asphalt and starts screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” in a not at all over the top or overdramatic way. My friends and I used to have contests to recreate his wailing and see who could get closest to his ridiculousness which now means whenever I see this scene I burst out laughing. (Which is ok because we learned years later that his dad wasn’t blown up but was just taken into FBI protective custody or some crap.) This scene taught me the proper way to respond to emotionally traumatic events with style and grace.
She wasn’t that bad in high school but after she’d been through 900 different traumas of the week and everyone was always cheating on her she got sour and bitter but nobody seemed to notice, presumably because she maintained her wispy blonde hair and baby voice throughout. She developed a nasty coke habit (although everyone still loved her!) because of her good for nothing artist boyfriend (see not her fault!) and went to rehab (because that’s what angels do!). While she was in rehab, she met this other addict girl, Tara,
and felt all bad for her and took her to live at the beach house compound and then Tara started going all single white female. In that she KILLED KELLY’S GOLD FISH by overfeeding it and then GOT AN UGLY SHAG HAIRCUT just like Kelly’s!!!! It was so scary you guys. But Kelly figures out what’s up and asks Tara to move out and then they drive along the coast in Kelly’s red BWM convertible and Tara ties Kelly’s hands and says they are both going to commit suicide by monoxide poisoning! Kelly talks her way out of it (see above re: baby voice) and takes away the gun and then Tara disappears from the show forever. Kelly retains her stupid shag haircut, though.
Other people on the show were bitchy (KELLY) but were presented as good girls and we were supposed to think their bad actions were part of their overall great characters (Kelly is an angel). Valerie, on the other hand, was an unrepentant bitch who did stuff just to stir shit up – and to antagonize Kelly. She stole other people’s men. She read diaries and eavesdropped. She smoked pot in the Walsh house. She totally scammed Steve Sanders. That girl she was friends with came to town and stole things from rich people and Donna’s blue collar boyfriend got blamed. Later on they gave her some emotional backstory about being abused by her father but then revealed that she had shot her father to death,
which was pretty cool and something Kelly never would have done. Stupid Kelly.
And then there’s all this “what is she going to do they are both such wonderful men (except Brandon who is a sanctimonious tool but therefore perfect for Kelly)” and then she goes and rejects them both. I mean, “chooses her.” Which sounded stupid even the first time she said it, and then to have that become an ongoing pop culture concept, choosing oneself, is just outrageous. But it did make for a dramatic plot twist, I guess.
They tried to sneak her out but Ms. Teasely totally busted her all hiccupping and babbling and then told her that because of some new rule about zero tolerance Donna would not be allowed to graduate. And Donna may have been stupid and had some kind of unspecified learning disability but she totally wanted to graduate! No fair making her take responsibility for her actions! And for some unexplained reason Brandon got all excited about it (something about the process the school board had used to make the rule) and organized a walkout of HUNDREDS of students all chanting “DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES” and the school board was powerless against such a massive demonstration and caved and she DID graduate. And then never used her education ever again.
So when this lady came along claiming to have had a kid with Jack back in the day, with Dylan’s alleged half-sister in tow, Dylan jumped at it. And when the lady’s sketchy boyfriend needed money to invest in some eco project that would make surfing clean and awesome again, man, Dylan did not even think before throwing money at it. And then we were all quite surprised that they all took off with Dylan’s money and he couldn’t find them anywhere and there was no eco company and surfing would be dirty forever! After some time, Dylan hires a PI, 
Jonsey, the most awesome character on the entire show, who finds them holed up in Mexico. Dylan goes down there and Valerie goes too – partly to help Dylan and partly to piss off Kelly. Val then has to work with Jonsey undercover to trick evil man and lady into telling them where the money is. Watching Val, in a bikini, work with crazy-ass Jonsey is a total treat and makes me want to cast Tiffani-Amber Thiessen in action movies, ala Angelina Jolie.
Emily was all wild and stuff and she wanted to show Brandon what actual fun was, so she took him to an underground rave and gave him drugs without telling him (because that’s what cool girlfriends do) and they couldn’t call it ecstasy for unclear reasons so they were all tripped out on euphoria, which actually sounds quite pleasant. 
Brandon, despite his drunk driving and burgeoning gambling habit, goes all psycho at Emily and won’t see her anymore and Emily for again, unclear reasons, is so hung up on Brandon that she slashes her own tires to get him to come over and stalks him and blah, like his shelf hair is worth pining after. Brandon is in moralistic mode instead of self-destruct mode (he only has 2 modes) so is impervious to her efforts to win her back and she FREAKS OUT and is all I’m going to be alone forever and I can’t hang out with the gang anymore oh no and pours gasoline all over the homecoming float they built. That’s the end of her for this round, but she shows up several seasons later and Brandon pines for her off and on and her hair gets a lot better later on.
It was so scary, you guys, to see the show martyr Kelly that way and know that we were going to have to deal with her whining and martyr-iffic recovery afterwards. Especially once it became clear that Kelly’s FACE GOT BURNED like oh no, not the money face and the wispy blonde hair! The trauma of having her face burned drove her to join a cult, get bitchy and sanctimonious with Brandon, and have a miscarriage, but eventually she recovered without even a single scar. Because she’s Kelly.
But they do not know that their school bus will be hit by a garbage truck and they will ALL BE KILLED – unless of course the guardian angel in training can protect them! It is a nail-biting race to the end of the episode to see if everyone can get along again (they can) and the angel can avoid the accident (she does in a killer special effects move that makes it look like the truck magically passes through the bus). Everyone lives and an angel gets its wings!