Outfit check: Shenae Grimes out and about

Here’s Shenae Grimes going to lunch and the grocery store in LA this weekend. And I don’t know if it’s because all my brain is wrapped up in the election right now or if she’s actually gotten her style together or perhaps we are now living in a dream world, but her outfit is actually fine. I even like the accessories. Alright, if you must know, this is exactly what I wear when out and about on a Sunday afternoon doing errands. Yes, wearing stupid fuzzy comfy shoes is part of the perks of living in LA. Anyone is allowed to wear shoes like that.

Overall: A for Anyone can dress like this in LA.

Outfit check: Shenae Grimes at Blackberry party

Nice bolo tie, btw.

Shenae Grimes leaving the Blackberry party in LA recently. No really, it’s for a Blackberry party that happened about a week ago, not a party at Spago for the first cell phone ever invented in the 1980s. I realize that the oversized blazer with leopard print satin lining is throwing you off. Oh, you can’t stop staring at the apparently genuine wearing of acid washed jeans? She must be on her way to see a hair metal band play at the Whiskey.

Overall: D for don’t show up with mall bangs, please.

Outfit check: Annalynne McCord at Blackberry party

annalynne

If you can wear this, I guess it’s one way to get attention. Suffice to say the site I yanked this photo from opened up about 15 pop-up windows that were all for porn and the author’s comment was “I’ve never seen this chick act or perform but damn she has certainly caught my eye with her style. I dig chicks with big mouths too.” Well then.

Outfit Check: Annalynne McCord at TI’s Sirens Show

Apparently Treasure Island (TI) casino in Vegas is changing its pirate show to something involving scantily clad ladies who sing, or something. And Annalynne McCord showed up to this event to model her new line of Slutty Halloween Costumes for ladies who find the traditional slutty Halloween costumes just too modest and prudish. I don’t really have anything else to say about this, mainly because I’m afraid to look at it too long lest my eyes burn out.

Overall: PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.

Outfit check: Jessica Stroup at Kitson

So Jessica Stroup and a few of the other 90210-ites were at Kitson for the opening of some kind of 90210 collection, which I don’t really understand. (Although I still maintain Kitson is better than Intuition.) At any rate, let’s take a look at what she wore to this event:

I’m assuming she has something on other than the yellow skirt with the random triangle print that doesn’t even begin to match up on the seams, but it is so overtly hideous that it has blinded me to anything else on her body. Perhaps that was the stylist’s goal – if everyone is staring at her totally fugly skirt, nobody will notice her oddly protruding clavicle and that you can see the start of her ribs in her “cleavage” area! Interesting tactic, stylist, but I’m not sure the yellow skirt of doom is preferable.

Also, those shoes must die. It is either time for boots or it is time for open toed shoes. IT IS NEVER TIME FOR BOTH.

Overall: D for attempted distraction.

Outfit check: Shenae Grimes at Vanity Fair Photo Party

Here’s Miss Shenae Grimes arriving at the Vanity Fair party for the museum retrospective of the magazine’s photography. And, um, I’m not quite sure what to say about this. Does she not have a stylist? Is her stylist blind and/or unaware of fashion trends of the past 20 years? I’m baffled. I don’t know how anyone who cared about her public image could allow this to happen. And yet…

• I have a very strong suspicious that the scarf is ATTACHED to the shirt. A white button down shirt with built in wonky scarf. Wrapping a scarf around her neck like that makes her look like she has no neck at all, or used to have a neck but has undergone a radical neck-ectomy surgery after a tumor was discovered. At any rate, not flattering, and certainly not a bonus extra that would motivate anyone sane to purchase that white button down shirt instead of another one. The sleeves are also slightly bell-like, which is a bad trend. Basically, I think this shirt should be burned. Even a non-scarfed white shirt, combined with a scarf not made out of oxford shirtcloth would have been preferable.
• Black skirt. Unremarkable.
• WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE BOOTS AND IS SHE WEARING BLACK TUBE SOCKS WITH THEM NO REALLY WHAT ARE THEY. It is not 1990 and Doc Martens are no longer relevant, much less knock off Docs that look even clunkier and less stylish, if possible.

Overall: F for fuck you and your stylist if there is in fact a stylist for torturing me this way.

Outfit check: Annalynne McCord at Hollywood Style Awards

Blah, blah blah. Here’s Annalynne McCord on the red carpet for the Hollywood Style Awards, whatever those may be. I am so bored by this outfit that I can barely be bothered to discuss it.

• I’ve gone on record as preferring the curly hair. This loose blow-out is better than the pin-straight look she sometimes rocks, and waaay preferable to slicking all the hair back. But I still think it’s less flattering than the curls and frankly, without the curls she blends into the haze of blonde-ish starlet-ish ladies roaming the streets of Hollywood. The curls give her distinction and personality. GET WITH IT.
• Oh, a little black dress! How innovative and interesting! Nice architectural details in the pleating on the bodice, but boring boring boring.
• Nice shoes – note how the flesh toned shoes lengthen her legs and make her look super long and lean.

Overall: B for BORING.

Outfit check: Annalynne McCord at Spike TV Scream Awards

Apparently Annalynne McCord was in some remake of some horror movie about which I frankly do not care. (Horror movies are not for me, especially the current ones which are more like gore-porn than any suspense or drama.)

• I think her hair looks fabulous. She just doesn’t look like herself when it’s all blown out straight or slicked back. Here, it looks natural and soft and gorgeous. Well done, stylist.
• I assume she’s looking a bit gothy because of the event – it makes sense to dress witchy to go to a horror movie event. For that reason, I’ll let go the drippy black necklace + black dress + black nails + black shoes. I think it looks a bit halloween-y, especially because some trick of this photo makes it seem like she’s baring her fangs. (Hint to writers: having Naomi be a secret vampire would really liven up the show…)
• I do not understand the dress on a fundamental level. It looks shiny, as if it’s made of plastic trash bags (remember that Project Runway where the lady bought all the trash bags to make pants out of? these are higher quality trash bags but still BAGS for TRASH.) It might be a netting kind of thing with something under it, but I’m not understanding it and frankly I am really not liking it that much.

Overall: C for love the curls, hate the outfit.

Outfit Check: Ryan Eggold at Max Payne premiere

Well, hmm. We are definitely making progress. He looks to be mostly shaven. And is wearing a button down and, praise jesus, NO VEST. But what’s with the clashing shirt and tie? Is that supposed to be cute? Is it cute to mix bad ugly patterns on clothing items that look like they came from the dollar bin at the vintage store? Is that what children are doing these days?

Also,  wipe that smirk off your face. You are not clever and pulling one over on us. We can tell your outfit sucks.

Overall: D for stop looking like a douche already.

Outfit check: Shenae Grimes at Starbucks

Ms. Grimes certainly loves her caffeine – here she is picking up coffee at a Long Beach area Starbucks, on her way to the 90210 studios in Manhattan Beach. (Which is FAR from regular LA. I actually feel sorry for her for having to make that drive.) That said, getting up really early in the morning before you’ve had your coffee is not an excuse for wearing this outfit. The jeans are alright and the sandals are fine, I guess, but that tank top is like something I would wear in college when I was running really late to class and put on jeans with my pajamas and would just run out the door. Here’s the thing – nobody was taking photographs of my outfits to show in the national press back then (or now either), so it didn’t matter. If Miss Thing is going to be queen of this show, though, she has to act the part and dress it on up when she leaves the house. Every time she leaves the house. Her facial expression adequately conveys my feelings about this outfit.

Overall: C- for college is over, get yourself dressed.