Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers

After the cut so as not to, you know, spoil anything.

Mini recap ep7, Hollywood Forever

I didn’t really want to watch this episode, because not only was it Kelly and Brenda-free, the writers went out of their way last episode to create contrived and unrealistic resolutions to all of the actual drama on the show.

In this episode: Annie’s acting declines still further, if possible; another bitchy girl shows up and has wildly inappropriate conversations with Teacher, who seems to have lost every razor he ever owned; Naomi makes a meaningless and counter-productive sacrifice for Pillface which causes trouble that even Daddy can’t solve; there’s some bullshit with the parents that I didn’t care about; and Navid and Jessica Walter are permitted to show up briefly. Oh, and Pillface might be dead, which would totally ruin the show because bitchy girl is actually an undercover cop and not a real bitch.

God, I hope this show gets better.

Recap, Model Behavior, ep6

Yeah, this is waaay late. Sorry. My Tivo didn’t record right and I had to get the episode from iTunes and then I had to go out of town and blah. Anyway, here it is.

In this episode: Annie continues to inspire homicidal feelings in the viewing audience, Kelly and Brenda almost have a like-the-old-days fight, there’s way too much boring parents time, Navid shows back up from wherever he’s been, and Pillface graduates to the big leagues THANK GOD. Full recap behind the cut…

Wishlist for tonight

More Pillface. Lots of Pillface. Pillface on scheming rampage of evil and lies. Less redeeming of Pillface by having her mother put unbearable pressure on her. Pillface for Pillface’s sake!

Dixon has some room to do something bad, too. He’s working, doing tech for the school musical, playing lacrosse, getting good grades, and worrying about his parents. What if he, like, punched someone in the face?

Naomi should be either bitchy or invisible.

Tabitha should be slightly drunk and tell embarassing stories about her past in an effort to get the kids to understand how things really are. I will permit an embarassed reaction shot from Mama and Papa, but that should be the extent of their involvement in this episode. Ideally, Tabitha would get sloshed and help Pillface enact some scheming evil plan.

Annie should be so sad about what happened with Ty that she just takes the whole week off and doesn’t show up at all.

And maybe, just for old times sake, Brenda and Kelly could fight over a guy? Or two??

90210 ep 5: Wide Awake and Dreaming

Full recap within…

90210 ep 4: The Bubble

In this episode: Dylan is the daddy; Brenda looks great; Jessica Walter out-acts everyone; and the children make halting progress in their relationships.

Dylan is a daddy, confirmed

Well Dylan for sure is the father of Kelly’s tow-headed child. But cannot be present doing his need to travel the globe doing charity work of a conspicuously unspecified nature. There is clearly a lot to discuss here, including the matter of what Luke Perry’s face currently looks like. Full exploration of the topic in the reacp coming soon…

Dylan = babydaddy?

Defamer is reporting that a Canadian ad for Tuesday’s episode, which will reveal the identity of the father of Kelly’s child, may have accidentally given away the secret.

The ad showing in Canada contains a shot in which “Brenda yells at Kelly, “You still love Dylan.”" Hardly conclusive proof, but it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense for the show to bring up Kelly’s love for Dylan and then have the kid be Brandon’s. (I mean, Kelly was an indecisive slut back in the day, but the new show seems invested in showing her as perfect-Kelly from the latter years of BH90210.)

Of course, as Defamer notes, Kelly may cooly reply “”Au contraire, Brenda: I still love Steve Sanders, provided that Ian Ziering is available to shoot a three-episode arc during May sweeps.” So we’ll just have to wait.

Let’s talk about Kelly’s babydaddy

Word on the street is that in the upcoming episode, Kelly reveals who the father of her child is. Given what we know already – we’ve seen the child and we know the father is someone with whom she had history in high school – let’s consider the various options.

90210 ep 3: Lucky Strike

in this episode: Wilson family demonstrates their strong midwestern values to the envy of hollywood folk; Jessie Spano’s inner pain is revealed before we even have established her as a megabitch; Silver is a wuss and can’t handle some mild Jackie Taylor behavior; and Brenda doesn’t even show up.

Full recap after the jump…