Spoilers

Well, one spoiler.

Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers

After the cut so as not to, you know, spoil anything.

Mini recap ep7, Hollywood Forever

I didn’t really want to watch this episode, because not only was it Kelly and Brenda-free, the writers went out of their way last episode to create contrived and unrealistic resolutions to all of the actual drama on the show.

In this episode: Annie’s acting declines still further, if possible; another bitchy girl shows up and has wildly inappropriate conversations with Teacher, who seems to have lost every razor he ever owned; Naomi makes a meaningless and counter-productive sacrifice for Pillface which causes trouble that even Daddy can’t solve; there’s some bullshit with the parents that I didn’t care about; and Navid and Jessica Walter are permitted to show up briefly. Oh, and Pillface might be dead, which would totally ruin the show because bitchy girl is actually an undercover cop and not a real bitch.

God, I hope this show gets better.

Recap, Model Behavior, ep6

Yeah, this is waaay late. Sorry. My Tivo didn’t record right and I had to get the episode from iTunes and then I had to go out of town and blah. Anyway, here it is.

In this episode: Annie continues to inspire homicidal feelings in the viewing audience, Kelly and Brenda almost have a like-the-old-days fight, there’s way too much boring parents time, Navid shows back up from wherever he’s been, and Pillface graduates to the big leagues THANK GOD. Full recap behind the cut…

Wishlist for tonight

More Pillface. Lots of Pillface. Pillface on scheming rampage of evil and lies. Less redeeming of Pillface by having her mother put unbearable pressure on her. Pillface for Pillface’s sake!

Dixon has some room to do something bad, too. He’s working, doing tech for the school musical, playing lacrosse, getting good grades, and worrying about his parents. What if he, like, punched someone in the face?

Naomi should be either bitchy or invisible.

Tabitha should be slightly drunk and tell embarassing stories about her past in an effort to get the kids to understand how things really are. I will permit an embarassed reaction shot from Mama and Papa, but that should be the extent of their involvement in this episode. Ideally, Tabitha would get sloshed and help Pillface enact some scheming evil plan.

Annie should be so sad about what happened with Ty that she just takes the whole week off and doesn’t show up at all.

And maybe, just for old times sake, Brenda and Kelly could fight over a guy? Or two??

90210 ep 5: Wide Awake and Dreaming

Full recap within…

90210 ep 4: The Bubble

In this episode: Dylan is the daddy; Brenda looks great; Jessica Walter out-acts everyone; and the children make halting progress in their relationships.

Outfit check: Shenae Grimes on red carpet

This is at – not exactly sure, something for In Touch Magazine that took place at the Chateau Marmont.

This is a fundamentally unacceptable outfit (even if you give her a pass for the white thing on her wrist which might be a wristband for the party and not an appallingly mismatched bangle). There is absolutely no reason a girl this pretty should be swaddling herself in piles of earth toned cotton sleeveless shirts. I mean, she is too skinny, but wearing extra t-shirts is not an effective way to address that problem. (Eat, girl!)

And then – and then – we turn to the … not even sure what to call them. Bloomers with suspenders? Puffy jumper? Wrinkled pseudo-shorts with a paper bag waistband? A fucking monstrosity of monumental proportions? This is the kind of thing it seems great to wear when you have your period and are bloated and nothing with a button at the waist seems to fit and these are so easy breezy but you would STILL change before you left the house or really to do anything except clean leaves out of the gutters or something messy like that.

Also, the way the tights blend into the bloomers and the shoes or boots or whatever make her look a bit like a disembodied floating torso. With a puffy tummy. Overall: D-

90210 ep 3: Lucky Strike

in this episode: Wilson family demonstrates their strong midwestern values to the envy of hollywood folk; Jessie Spano’s inner pain is revealed before we even have established her as a megabitch; Silver is a wuss and can’t handle some mild Jackie Taylor behavior; and Brenda doesn’t even show up.

Full recap after the jump…