Outfit check: Shenae Grimes in In Style, 4

Here’s the last photo in Shenae’s spread in In Style magazine. And here’s my suggestion: take that jacket, which is cute and bubbly, and remove it from the set. Then burn everything else, including the furniture, the fluffy rug, the guitar she most certainly cannot play, the dated bright tights, the Converse which are for cool people only, and the diet Coke she most certainly will not consume on the off chance bubbles give you calories. We as a society have no need for those things. Including Shenae.

Outfit check: Shenae Grimes in In Style, 3

Here’s the next (atrocious) photo of Shenae in In Style magazine. Note her demonstration of the “eating invisible food” style she has perfected. Those Cocoa Krispies are going to get soggy if you just keep moving an empty spoon back and forth to your mouth.

Sweater is meh, colored tights are 80s and not new or fresh, and for Jimmy Choo boots, those are certainly clompy and unflattering. Also, get off the kitchen counter. You look like a brat.

Overall: C for seen it all before.

Wishlist for tonight

More Pillface. Lots of Pillface. Pillface on scheming rampage of evil and lies. Less redeeming of Pillface by having her mother put unbearable pressure on her. Pillface for Pillface’s sake!

Dixon has some room to do something bad, too. He’s working, doing tech for the school musical, playing lacrosse, getting good grades, and worrying about his parents. What if he, like, punched someone in the face?

Naomi should be either bitchy or invisible.

Tabitha should be slightly drunk and tell embarassing stories about her past in an effort to get the kids to understand how things really are. I will permit an embarassed reaction shot from Mama and Papa, but that should be the extent of their involvement in this episode. Ideally, Tabitha would get sloshed and help Pillface enact some scheming evil plan.

Annie should be so sad about what happened with Ty that she just takes the whole week off and doesn’t show up at all.

And maybe, just for old times sake, Brenda and Kelly could fight over a guy? Or two??

Outfit check: Shanae Grimes in In Style, 2

Here’s the second photo from Shenae’s spread in In Style:

• I would also fight over a Chanel quilted purse, although I would prefer it to be black, not that odd green.
• I cannot and will not argue with Burburry dresses and/or shoes. In fact, I lust after those shoes. I wouldn’t wear them with socks, but I realize it is fashionable to do so.
• My only quibble is Shanae carrying a scooter helmet. If she smokes to stay thin, you really think she’s gonna put that on her hair just to protect her brain? I think not.

Overall: A and give me those shoes.

Outfit check: Shanae Grimes in In Style, 1

Here’s the first photo from a spread in In Style magazine featuring none other than our girl, Miss Shanae Grimes. Let’s take them one by one so we can really look at these outfits, shall we?

• Bill Blass washed silk halter. Nice color, good cut, fits her well. It is supposed to look like a dress or tunic, though? Seems like it might be a bit long for her.
• DEAR GOD THE PANTS MAKE THEM STOP PLEASE. Is she jailed? Pretending she knows anything about punk? I don’t know. HATE.
• Cons are for cool girls. Please to remove immediately.

Overall: The styling of the room is a lot more pleasing than her outfit here. I don’t know what they’re trying to do with the pants and the shoes but someone should have stopped them. C-

Smoking = the ‘Shenae Grimes diet’

This photo of Lindsay Lohan exiting an LA gas station with packs and packs of cigarettes is being posted as “the Shenae Grimes diet.”

Shenae, this is not something you want to be known for.

Outfit Check: Jennie Garth at March of Dimes

Here’s Jennie at a benefit for the March of Dimes, looking pretty ok.

• She’s wearing an Alice + Olivia dress that comes with that yellow belt. While I’m fond of the brand in general, this dress doesn’t totally do it for me. I do not like the yellow belt. I, in fact, hate the yellow belt.
• Can someone please tell actresses that just because there are pockets on a dress, it does not mean that they MUST put their hands in said pockets, especially when being photographed? I would like a ban on hands in pockets in photos, please.
• Nice red pumps, especially with the dress. If only that belt weren’t there!

I would rather have seen her in something like this sweater from Alice + Olivia with a pencil skirt – and she could even have worn the yellow belt.

Overall: C+

Jennie Garth loves the earth

Jennie Garth “designed” a reusable cotton bag to help you save the earth instead of putting your macrobiotic groceries in evil plastic bags. The bag is for sale online, at $3.65 of the $10 cost will be donated to the Sierra Club. Positive, but largely meaningless. Go Jennie!

Shenae drinks coffee

So here’s Shenae Grimes leaving a Starbucks this morning. Now, I have worn some pretty beat up outfits to Starbucks, but I don’t think even I have looked this un-put-together. For a girl who weighs 90 pounds or whatever, that shirt certainly makes her look a bit pregnant. You shouldn’t be wearing your Gucci purse with something that sloppy, either – instead of making her look classy, it makes her look like she’s playing dress up with mommy’s accessories.

At least Starbucks spelled her name right on the cup.

Outfit Check: Tristan Wilds at Secret Life of Bees premiere

So Tristan is in the upcoming movie The Secret Life of Bees, which is an adaptation of an existing book. I don’t know much about the movie or his role in it, but here is a photo of him at the premiere (standing with the producer of the film).

• Black v-neck sweater over shirt and tie: I fully approve. It’s formal enough for an event like a premiere without being stuffy. He still looks young and relaxed. He does not look excessively old-timey, as he would if he were wearing a bowtie and pageboy cap.
• Jeans! Good call, continuing with the semi-formal but still young and relaxed look. There’s no need for him to wear a formal suit.
• The smile! His smile is so infectious.

Overall: B for good but a bit boring. (But I’d rather have boring than offensively ugly…)